Sunday, April 30, 2006
Whooooooooosh!!!
It seems but a moment ago.
4 years ago right around the end of April, I got pregnant with you, my darlingest girl.
Your daddy was out of town on a business trip - came home - and we celebrated by giving ourselves the gift of you!
Now Daddy's out of town on business again this same weekend -- different company, opposite end of the country (that was San Francisco - this time Maryland) -- but what a difference 4 years makes!!
You are upstairs sleeping, my golden girl. Which is good, because sleep hasn't come easily to you this time. It's not the first time since you were born that it's been 'just us girls' -- but it's the first time that you are really aware that Daddy is not coming home each night.
Your seperation anxiety breaks my heart... and it hurts to know how much you must be hurting and scared each time you say something like "Daddy is never coming home again - he's gone forever" or "Pink Puppy (your favorite stuffed animal) doesn't love me any more, he's going to leave and never be with me again" which is clearly a transference of your fear.
Yes, I reassure you - but nothing is going to really reassure you until he comes home at last tomorrow.
So you and I have been up many times in the middle of the night these past few days... and you won't let me leave your sight for more than a few minutes... no doubt for fear that I might not come back as well.
But for now, you are sleeping -- and it's hard for me not to want to go up and cuddle you, and reassure you that you are loved and safe and we will never, ever leave you short of death. But you'd be awake in a heartbeat if I even so much as tried. And you need your sleep... as do I.
Tomorrow, Daddy comes home - and there will be celebrating, like there was 4 years ago... but this time, we celebrate as a family. You, me and Daddy. I couldn't ask for more!!
Sweet Dreams my beautiful girl!
xoxo
Mama
