Conversations with my Child
Saturday, February 03, 2018
15 and fabulous
I was thinking I should show you this again soon.
The internet goes so fast... but this little corner of it stays frozen in time.
You turned 15 last month.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. It's been more than a decade and a half since I started these one-sided conversations with you. I suppose they're really monologues. Since it's me talking to current you unless future you wants to respond. So far, every future me comes back every few years to add something and gets all teary-eyed and maudlin.
Every new stage with you has been my favorite. But sometimes I still wish for those few months I didn't have to share you with the rest of the world... or the days we spent doing things that never got written down because we were too busy doing things together.
I feel you slowly growing apart from me now... preparing me, no doubt, for the day you go to college and I cry as hard as I did the first day you went to preschool. Only knowing that I won't pick you up at the end of the day? That will be the worst. For me, anyways. For you? It will be a new adventure.
For now? I'll cherish the next three and a half years and any moments you give me. High school freshman year is half over. Already, you spend more time with friends than you're old, occasionally clueless, but earnest parents. Which is, after all, as it should be.
Youare still, and will always be my Sun, my daughter. None shines brighter. Love you always... xoxo Mama
Sunday, February 08, 2015
And just like that... You are a teenager.
The thought that I started writing this nearly 14 years ago (minus a couple of months, obviously) when I found out you were coming? Is a bit overwhelming.
I guess I didn't know then how fast time would fly by.
Just a couple of weeks ago, you turned 13, my beautiful girl. Or more rightly I should say 'my beautiful young woman.
(This one was sitting in my drafts folder unfinished... are you surprised?) xo Mana
Saturday, July 03, 2010
My Beautiful Girl...
I started this blog 8 years ago. Little blurbs. Quick conversations with my unborn daughter. Things I wanted to remember to say that I was sure I wouldn't say later.
Then you were born - and the name changed.
The posts have never been anything but sporadic. Something says "oh yeah!" in the back of my head and I look at the photos on my desk and think "oh so long since I last said a word."
You are sleeping my love, as is your father. I should be, but I'm the night owl in the family. Wishing that curse away from you. Everyone else expects me to fit into their world.
At 7 and a half - you are nothing short of amazing to me. You are smart. You read and write better at the end of 1st grade than I did in 3rd grade. Math is easy for you and you like to perform addition in your head. But your heart? Your heart lies in the theater.
Two summers past you took 'theater camp' both sessions. You'd memorize all the lines (the entire script) and then help others to learn theirs before you could even read well. So it shouldn't have been any surprise that you asked to audition for a real show. You learned the monolog - you put on the audition - at 7, you got one of the lead roles in the play. You dilligently atteneded every rehearsal, putting 100% in every time. You didn't miss a single one of the 18 performances - and in every one you were magical. No one ever asked for my autograph & a picture with me when I was your age... Maybe they see the star you will someday become.
Still you remain sweet and caring. Your first instinct is to share something if you think it's good. Your generosity is a product of a huge heart. You want to help everyone.
Your teachers so far - starting with Miss Karen, Miss Jill, Miss Martha at FPLC, and Miss Mary & Miss Laura at St. Michael's -- PDO and Pre-school that prepared you to take on the world in Kindergartend and beyond. Ms. Jordan your Kindergarter teacher was awesome. But no one can ever outdo the warmth, caring, concern, and amazingness that is Miss Theresa Lorenzo - your 1st & 2nd grade teacher thanks to the way St. Mary's works. We couldn't have gotten a better teacher if we had designed her.
And so, in the summer between 1st and 2nd - you are confident. You are articulate. You interact with older kids somewhat differently due to your interaction with your castmates.
You are, unsurprisingly, beautiful as well.
There are not many girls nor women who can wear 'any old hairstyle' and make it look good. You are one. From long hair to the chin-length bob to the 'boy cut' - you just kept getting cuter and more sophisticated looking. And your curls came out in back at last! :)
You are everything I could've ever dreamed for in a daughter at this age... and more. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. It's the best gift I've ever had.
xoxo
Mama
Monday, February 02, 2009
6, 6, you are sooooooo Six!!
Oh my little angel. We had your party today for your sixth birthday. Yes, we did your "family party" on your actual birthday... and it was good. But nothing beats the joy of 20 children running around a bouncy-place shrieking and laughing and having a good time. And nothing beats knowing they are there for you. And for us, the compliments from the other parents about your beauty, your warmth, your way with the other children... yeah, we know we're lucky.
We also got your first "report card" from school. If they used the normal "lettering system" you got mostly A's with a smattering of B's. Nothing you are behind in, nothing you are lacking in. You're either "developing" certain aspects as you should be, or are "secure" in the skills. You are clearly ahead in academics. This makes Mama & Daddy proud and kind of smug. So sue us if we're shallow - you're our only daughter and you rock!!
I cannot wait until the day I can show you this and have you read it and realize that for all this time - you have always been in my heart and on my mind.
I love you more and more each day, my darling. Or as you say to me "I love you all to my heart, more than anything."
Thank you for coming into my world!!
xoxo
mama
Friday, May 30, 2008
Milestones
6 years later. 6 years ago, I started this, fully intending to be a fabulous mom-to-be, writing every day, sharing the intimate secrets of my heart with you...
And then, yeah, not so much. I had horrid Hyperemesis. Your pregnancy was a rough one. I wrote not so much.
'But surely,' I thought, 'I would write more once you were here at last!!'
Which might've happened if you had slept your first year of life at all. But helping you to fight the sleep battle took all of my energy and focus - and spending most of the first year living like a zombie myself due to sleep deprivation, didn't exactly inspire a lot of posting.
'But surely,' I thought, 'I would write more once you were old enough to sleep and walk and do things on your own.'
Here you are, 5 1/2. You "graduated" from Pre-K yesterday. You are smart, sweet, beautiful, kind and good. You are everything I could've dreamed of in a daughter when I first learned about you 6 years ago... and still, I don't have time to write.
Because honestly? You are smart enough for me to just tell you. So I do. We talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. You even talk me out sometimes.
But mostly, I remember to tell you how much I love you. How lucky I am to be your mother. How lucky I am to have a daughter like you.
And I smile and remember back when I wasn't even sure if I could be somebody's mother - because every time I look at you, I know we were always meant to be together as a family.
I love you, my angel girl.
More and more each day.
xoxo
Mama
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Beautiful, beautiful girl...
5 years ago, at this time, the phone rang - and the hospital said I could come in for my scheduled induction.
I had already been in "non-productive" labor with you for 72 hours at that point. Contractions were coming 5 mins, 5 mins, 20 mins... 5, 5, 15, 5, 5, 25, 5, 5, 15... sleep? What sleep? I was delirious and exhausted. But the hospitals were so full that they would've just sent me home.
When we got to the E.R. to check into L&D at around 2 a.m. the guy noticed I was in labor and said "then why are you here for an induction?" When I explained that with my pattern, they would've just sent me home again, he agreed, and got us upstairs to a room.
At 6:50pm Mountain time, on January 24th, 2003 - you came into our lives - and you've brought love and joy and beauty ever since.
These past 5 years since you finally let me see your gorgeous face have flown by so fast. I knew they would - but still, it shocks me to think of how much you have grown already.
And yet, I was right - you are everything a mother could hope for in a daughter... Sweet, smart, beautiful, and loving. You amaze me every day.
Happy Birthday beautiful girl... and thank you. 5 years ago, you were the best present anyone could ever hope for!
Love Always,
mama
Thursday, January 17, 2008
You're just starting to learn to read now - so I guess I'd better start planning to update this more regularly - as it won't be all that long before you say "Mom? what gives with the sporadic nature of the blog?" and the only answer I'll have is "um... I suck at consistency and follow-thru?"
Of course, by then, you'll probably know that all too well yourself from experience! Hopefully, you'll forgive your old Mom her weaknesses...
A week from now you turn 5. Five!!! How has so much time already slipped away?
Still, you are the joy of my days - and you make every one worth getting up for, even when the rest of the world makes me wish I'd stayed in bed. Your smile melts my heart. Your tears break it. Your laughter lights up even the darkest room.
Who knew I'd ever be so in love with my own daughter? But I do adore you. Some day, I hope you have your own child and get to know how amazing this feeling is.
Daddy's New Year Resolution this year was to "dance with you every day" - and so far, he's kept to it - 21 days and counting. You tell me when you grow up, you are going to marry Daddy - and I always say okay... Because I hope you marry someone as wonderful as he is.
We're a very lucky family - and Daddy and I moreso because you came into our lives.
When you're a teenager, and think I hate you because I'm being all parental? I'll still love you more than anything - and when you are in your 20's and realize it wasn't hate but just being your parent? I'll make you read this - so you can laugh!
But for now, beautiful girl, I'm just so happy that you are my daughter. You are so amazing!
love and kisses,
Mama
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Darling Girl...
I'd say something about time flying - but honestly, that's sort of become cliche here, hasn't it?
I hope that I tell you every day just how wonderful you are to me. I hope you know that you are the light around which the fairies of my heart dance.
At 4 1/2 you are precocious and precious. You are warm and loving and caring and giving. You also talk non-stop - so it seems rather redundant to think of writing to you when we spend so much of our waking ours talking as it is!
But I love to hear you talk... you have such an amazing insight and perspective on the world!! You say the most incredible things! And you make me smile all the time, every day.
Even when I'm cranky and moody and hard-to-deal-with, your love has the ability to wash it all away and help me to let go of any anger or frustration.
You are such a good person. Even when you are angry and pouting or sulking - you tell me that it's okay, you're just going to be angry for a bit - but you still love me.
:)
I love you, my angel girl.
I always will!
As we sometime sing together at night:
I will always love you
I will never leave you
If you ever need me
I will be right here
xoxo
mama
Friday, December 08, 2006
Oh my beautiful girl!!
Where has the time gone?
All my mommy-friends told me it would go by far too quickly, and they were right, it seems.
But every moment of your existence, from the first day I knew about you through today has been one where I just can't believe how lucky I am to have you for a daughter...
Today you said the sweetest, nicest thing anyone has ever told me in my entire life. As we walked into the grocery store to pick up a few things - you looked up from where you were, and still holding my hand said "Mommy? When I grow up, can I be just like you?" and I said, trying not to cry "if you want to, baby girl... of course..." and you said "Okay then - when I grow up, I'm going to be just like you," and smiled at me.
And I said "well, you'll be prettier and smarter, of course..." and you nodded and said "yeah."
I tried hard not to laugh - because I knew it was just your secure little confidence agreeing with me - and no sense of egotism at all... But you're cute little girl ways just make me smile so!
Still, my beautiful daughter - I just want you to be as happy as I am. Someday, I hope you have a daughter that you can love this much.
And I can tell her stories of how happy her Mama made Me when she was a little girl.
And you will understand completely, I'm sure.
Love you, buttercup!
xoxo
Mama
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Whooooooooosh!!!
It seems but a moment ago.
4 years ago right around the end of April, I got pregnant with you, my darlingest girl.
Your daddy was out of town on a business trip - came home - and we celebrated by giving ourselves the gift of you!
Now Daddy's out of town on business again this same weekend -- different company, opposite end of the country (that was San Francisco - this time Maryland) -- but what a difference 4 years makes!!
You are upstairs sleeping, my golden girl. Which is good, because sleep hasn't come easily to you this time. It's not the first time since you were born that it's been 'just us girls' -- but it's the first time that you are really aware that Daddy is not coming home each night.
Your seperation anxiety breaks my heart... and it hurts to know how much you must be hurting and scared each time you say something like "Daddy is never coming home again - he's gone forever" or "Pink Puppy (your favorite stuffed animal) doesn't love me any more, he's going to leave and never be with me again" which is clearly a transference of your fear.
Yes, I reassure you - but nothing is going to really reassure you until he comes home at last tomorrow.
So you and I have been up many times in the middle of the night these past few days... and you won't let me leave your sight for more than a few minutes... no doubt for fear that I might not come back as well.
But for now, you are sleeping -- and it's hard for me not to want to go up and cuddle you, and reassure you that you are loved and safe and we will never, ever leave you short of death. But you'd be awake in a heartbeat if I even so much as tried. And you need your sleep... as do I.
Tomorrow, Daddy comes home - and there will be celebrating, like there was 4 years ago... but this time, we celebrate as a family. You, me and Daddy. I couldn't ask for more!!
Sweet Dreams my beautiful girl!
xoxo
Mama
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Best Laid Plans...
I really did mean for this to be an ongoing project. But who knew that so quickly you'd go from an idea, to a baby, to an infant, to a toddler, to a little girl?
Now we talk every day... and I seldom think to come here to write to you when I can just cuddle up with you and tell you how much I love you over and over again.
You are a sweet, smart, and wonderful child.
I never dreamed I would be so lucky.
Thank you, my angel - for every single moment.
xoxo
Mama
Sunday, November 06, 2005
What a Difference a Day Makes...
From this:
To this:
in the blink of an eye it seems.
One moment, you were helpless and tiny - the next, you have become a little girl. An independent, strong-willed, smart, sweet, funny little girl.
You take my breath away.
Some moments, you are incorrigible -- filled with your own sense of power, and determined to be the ruler of your own destiny. You shout, scream, yell... you attempt to defy the universe through the singular power of a primally loud "NO!!!!"
Other moments, you are heartbreakingly sweet -- you share toys, you give hugs, you make sure everyone else is okay. You are as congenial and willing to compromise as any adult ever could wish to be.
It must be so hard to be this age - to want to be in control, but to not really know where the limits are. Boundary defining times must drive you to distraction. I know that most times you have no idea why I say no when I do... or why sometimes the answer to the same question is yes.
But this is it, isn't it? The very crux of raising a child into the adult she can become... those moments in which my own 'wisdom' (or lack thereof) has to be the deciding factor until you have the skills to decide on your own, knowing fully the consequences of your actions.
I love you angel girl. You have opened the universe and life to my eyes in such a way as I had never known was possible before. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
xoxox,
Mama
Friday, October 21, 2005
Beautiful Girl...
Time flies - and you are closer to 3 than 2 1/2! You are my joy.
No longer a baby, nor even an infant - you are so much the little girl now. You have this amazing personality - headstrong, but loving. You are a bit of a drama queen (I think you get that from me!) but you also have such a huge heart! You charm everyone who meets you - adult and child alike.
But you have so much charisma!!! (You get that from your father, not me!) Strangers are drawn to you, and wherever we go, you make new fans. But I remain your most loyal fan of all! (Possibly tied with Daddy...)
It seems like just yesterday that I was pregnant with you - and at this time of year, you seldom let me sleep... my little bunny, thumping away inside me, determined to keep me awake so we could have fun!
Now - well, now you still don't quite have the hang of sleeping through the night. About 1 out of 2 nights you wake up once... But I think that's because you secretly just like seeing Daddy in the middle of the night to say hi and cuddle!
You are everything I could've hoped for in a daughter and more!! Albeit, you have some of my quirks in you - including the dreaded 'picky eater syndrome.' But I figure you'll get over it in time - I did! (Yes, I know, it wasn't until I was much, much older!)
Your father and I couldn't be happier and we love you more and more each day.
My sunshine. My angel. My Bunny. My Boo-bear.
I love you, always!
Mama
Friday, July 15, 2005
My Darling Girl
I don't write much here - but you are the joy of my life!!
You are all that I ever hoped for in a daughter, and more...
Your love of life, your sweet nature, and your smile never cease to warm my heart.
Even at two and a half years old, your 'terrible twos' aren't terrible, so much as tiring...
You have so much energy! and so much passion!! You definitely feel things deeply, like your mother does.
I love you, my angel.
I am the luckiest mama in the world!!
~mommy
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Time Flies...
And there are better records of your childhood elsewhere...
A thousand and one photos - stories on other sites - and a baby book that is ever increasing in its thickness.
As I write this, you are napping.
A long nap - a two-year-old who is still a bit under the weather nap.
You are my angel.
I'll never understand why people call it the "Terrible" twos... trying? yes... testing? yes... but also terrific, tremendous, thrilling...
You have a will, my darling - but Mommy and Daddy just look at you and remind themselves that you are trying to navigate your place in the universe - and that being strong-willed is an asset that will serve you well in later years.
You are also loving, my darling. You are everything a mother could hope for in a little girl. Happy, sweet, smart, loving, and caring.
I'm the most amazingly lucky mama in the world!!!
Mama
Saturday, September 25, 2004
You are so amazing my darling...
I can't keep up!
You run, play, giggle, stamp your feet, clap when you are angry, love the alphabet song, want to read and read and read... So many things!
Each day with you is joy!
Mama
(who is rotten about updating this! but loves you so!)
Saturday, April 17, 2004
You are walking... you are talking... you are full of energy and life - and you bring joy to each and every day that I get to spend with you...
I look at your pictures, as we come up on 15 months old - and realize that you are a baby no longer... I look down at you pulling yourself up on my pantleg and see a little girl. You are officially a "toddler" now - but you will always be my baby girl!!
I love you so very much my bunny-boo...
I can't believe that it's been two years this weekend since you were conceived - but it's true!!
You are the light of my world - and your father's - and we are the luckiest parents in the whole universe!!
Thank you for each day, each laugh, each smile, each sigh.
I love you.
Mama
Friday, January 16, 2004
I am hideously bad about updating this thing, my darling girl.
Your first birthday rapidly approaches - and I have only a handful of entries to show for all of the wonderful time you have shared with me!
You are gorgeous... You are wonderful... You are intelligent... You are amazing!!
Your father and I can't believe how lucky we are. Each day, you make us smile and realize how much we love you!
Thank you for this first year, my baby girl... May we be as happy during all the rest!
xoxo
Mama
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Oh my...
I've let the time slip by again...
It's just that it's so easy to do. I spend my days watching you grow - and playing with you - and learning with you... I seldom have the time, it seems, to sit and write about it - because that would mean missing it.
You are amazing, my baby girl.
You are sunshine and smiles - and the odd bit of temper... You are learning to control your world now. A few words - but no idea what they mean (although you're figuring out that Dada means Daddy, it seems...) You're learning to control that body somewhat now... But crawling still eludes you. Just as soon as you figure out that your arms need to be a part of the equation - we're in trouble!
You want to be big so fast it seems... You like to "help" or to feed yourself whenever possible.
You are a million and one miracles all rolled into one little girl... I love you so very much!!!
But it's late, and sleep I must if we are to play again all day tomorrow...
xoxo
Mama
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Your father is upstairs feeding and shushing you - it's the 11:30p feeding and wakeup... I think you still do this just because you like to see us. I can hear your little sleepy sounds so clearly through the monitor... but I must stay downstairs now, lest you wakeup too much to go back to sleep.
You aren't sleeping through the night yet bunny-mine - but we think it's just around the bend. You are starting to get the sleep thing a little better... it's just not the easiest thing apparently.
Meanwhile - food is fine. You seem to like veggies much better than fruit (unlike other babies) and Daddy and I think it's because you associate "fruit flavor" with medicine. Of which you've had so much in your short life already!! The daily Prevacid for acid reflux - used to be 'minty fresh' Zantac - but it wasn't strong enough for you... so we moved to the "Orange Stuff" which worked so much better.
Now you're on Zyrtec too. The allergy thing was just stomping on you sweetie-pie. Last week, your sinuses were draining down your throat so constantly that your poor little sore throat made you cry every time you tried to eat! :( While the Tylenol helped, we didn't feel like dosing you every day for the rest of your life and risking liver damage! So Zyrtec it is...
It works well for both Mommy and Daddy - and seems to do the trick for you too... But it's one more medication... Sigh. On the plus side tho - it also seems to be helping battle your eczema!!
Today was your first "full" roll over... where you started going in one direction, and kept going until you had rolled over 360 degrees. You've been doing the occasional roll over, roll back thing - but this was the first indication that pretty soon you'll be zooming around on your own...
Which we can't wait for - except that you're growing so big so fast!!!!
Oh my little girl. You're not so little anymore. Already you are trying hard to figure out this talking thing... and you want to sit up and go do your own thing! If only your body would listen to what your brain keeps insisting it should be able to do!!
But for now, Mommy still loves holding you close, and having your little head burrow into my shoulder for 'safety' as we climb the stairs together.
I love you my darling daughter. You are the joy of my days and the light of my world.
Thank you for being our daughter!!!!
xoxox
Mama
Monday, June 02, 2003
Today you hit quite a big milestone, bunny...
Your first real "food"!!! Not talking about single grain, bland, blah baby cereal... You had Sweet Potatoes!!
And boy did you love 'em.
I guess anything's got to be better than that horribly awful, icky formula (Nutramigen) we've got you on. Your little face just lit right up when you got to the second spoonful... and you blazed through a whole ounce of it with gusto! We haven't seen you this smiley ever!! You spent the whole afternoon on a calorie high from it - smiley and laughing and 'talking' all the rest of the day!
You made Mama and Daddy so very happy too!
I can't wait until we get to try some more 'yummy' foods! Although, for the record, your Mommy absolutely hates Sweet Potatoes... so you might grow out of it by the time you're old enough to read this!
As I write - in the middle of the night - I can hear your daddy through the monitor just finishing up a 2:30 am feeding!
Back to bed for all of us! Pleasant dreams my darling girl!
xoxox
Mama
Sunday, May 25, 2003
It was your "4-month" birthday today...
My how you have grown!!!
I can't believe how big you are my darling! and how amazing you already are... You can sit up on your own for a few seconds, but then your feet always capture your attention and reaching for them - down you go! Today, Daddy and I fed you Rice Cereal from a spoon! Your first 'big girl' meal... all 1 teaspoon of it. You did well tho - keeping most of it in your mouth. I have a feeling that will become fun really soon!
You talk... not 'real' talk - your own constantly running monologue (except when you have those wonderful 'dialogues' with Mommy from the changing table - I can already tell you will be the kind of person who chats freely to hairdressers and dentists!) and you make the most delightful sounds! You squeal with delight or anger. In fact, there's no way anyone around you can be unaware of your feelings, Ms. I-may-not-be-able-to-talk-but-I-can-communicate!! :)
Every day you bring new joy to my heart. Your smiles melt my heart, and make others giggle... they are so infectious!
You're a flirt too, missy. So far, you like men better than women (except for Mommy) and you've got just about every guy in the family wrapped around your finger already - as they were all used to your Cousin who hated all men but her daddy for the first 2 years of her life... The women? well, they adore you too... but they're jealous!
I'd right more here - but I spend most of my time playing with you. Watching each new stage you go thru... it's simply amazing.
You are the happiest baby!! Almost everyone who meets you says so, too. Like it's amazingly odd that you would be (don't tell them, we knew you would be... you've had happy feet since the womb - it just follows that the rest of you is too!)
I love you so very much baby girl! While you can't yet sleep all the way through the night (or unswaddled, that last experiment failed... we've had a couple of naps unswaddled, but it just wreaks havoc with your sleep!) you have gotten to the point where you go a gooood long time before your first wake-up - averaging 6-7 hours!
It's okay tho... we know you'll get there in your own time!
Meanwhile, Mommy has issues sleeping too! lol... So off to bed for me. You're in your crib as I write this, sound asleep, with Daddy in the daybed nearby taking the 'night shift'... and I can't wait until tomorrow morning - when I get to see your beautiful, smiling face again!
xoxox
Mama
Saturday, April 05, 2003
The monitor over my shoulder is broadcasting the 'wave' sounds that provide the whitenoise that helps you to sleep, my dear. Through it, I can hear your occasional "night noises." You're a regular cornucopia of sound at night!
Tonight we are trying a 'new swaddle' technique - seeing if we can leave one of your hands out yet. It seems to be going well - but your little right hand gets as cold as ice! Mommy wants to come hold your hand to make sure it doesn't get cold - how mushy is that? But then neither you nor I would ever get any sleep tonight!
I love you baby girl...
You grow bigger, stronger, and more beautiful and intelligent each day... and it's a joy to be your mommy.
xoxoxo
Mama
Saturday, March 29, 2003
You just fell asleep again on my shoulder... Such a wonderful feeling.
Whenever you do that, it just melts my heart.
You're a bit sick tonight... and Daddy's terribly sick. You both seem to have gotten whatever intestinal bug I've had for the past couple of days. It's pretty icky. I'm still sick myself - but not as bad as Daddy - so it's me taking care of both of you... Which is pretty okay, strangely enough. I guess it's what you do when you're a Mommy...
I love you my baby girl. Your smile lights up a room, and your laugh is the sweetest sound in the world to me. Your Daddy and I keep falling in love with you over and over again each day...
Sleep tight little one... may whatever baby dreams you have be pleasant ones!
I can't wait until you're old enough for us to talk and talk and talk... but not too soon please - I love this time too! Where I can hold you in my arms, and rock you back to sleep, and put you back into your crib knowing you are safe and sound and happy...
xoxox
Mama
Sunday, March 02, 2003
New Moms do not have time to blog much!
You were born, little darling girl, on January 24th, at 7:50pm - late, but perfect!
Unfortunately, your birth almost killed mommy, so it's been a hard month+ of recovery.
I will post the details here soon - as I've posted them elsewhere... as your birth was full of miracles, not the least of which was you, my baby girl!
For now, I thought I'd better change the name of the site - from "unborn" to "newborn"...as it was more fitting!
I've got to run help Daddy make formula. But I wanted to get us back on track here. Not that I don't talk to you all day long, but perhaps someday, you'd prefer to read what mommy wrote when you were too little to remember all the sweet nothings she kept whispering in your ear at this age!!
All my love to you, darlingest daughter mine!
Mama
Friday, January 10, 2003
Oh my...
Well best laid plans!
You're due now... well, any time now. If you go with the 40 weeks from conception date - you're due tomorrow. If you go with the 40 weeks from LMP, you're due on the 16th...
Anyhoo... nonetheless, you'll be here with me soon, and then I can talk and talk and talk to you all I like... But type? Heck... I couldn't seem to maintain this when you were still inside me letting me use both hands. We'll have to see. I may let the site go and start a new one for you my darling girl.
For now, off to the OB/Gyn for what may well be the last pre-natal appointment - now if only you'd quit sticking your foot in my ribs!
Big hugs!
Mama
Friday, October 18, 2002
Ahem... daughter-girl-child-to-be-mine...
Can you please stop the Tae-bo lesson so I can go to sleep now?
Thanks,
Mom
Monday, October 07, 2002
I'm so horrible about remembering to post here...
Probably because we "talk" all the time now... Now that you're down there squirming around like a seal taking kick-boxing lessons!
It's simply amazing to me, to wake up each day, and realize that you're really in there. Doing whatever it is that babies do in the womb (other than grow and kick!) and getting ready for the time we get to meet face-to-face at last!
We've settled on your name - well, 99.2% settled, Dad and I both agree that you can never be sure about a name until you see it's owner's face.
I'm so looking forward to holding you in my arms.
Love you!
Mom
Monday, September 02, 2002
Time flies so! I talk to you alot - I just forget to type it here!
The amnio has confirmed that you're a girl, my darling daughter-to-be... and all your genes look lovely and 100% normal! (Now let's just hope you got your father's beautiful eyes!)
We're more than 1/2 way there - with you due sometime in January. The ultrasound showed I was right about your conception date, but our doc decided to leave the due date as it was! (Which secretly pleases your mom, as it means less pressure to induce if you aren't here by the magic date!) So we're expecting you early in the new year!
You're dad and I were just talking about how you've already got a blog site (this one - which I'll convert when you're born - would be silly to call it Conversations with my Unborn Child after that!) and you'll have a couple of valid email addresses before you even get here. Welcome to your technologically inclined family sweetie! Mom & Dad are geeks... go figure... At least you know you'll have good hardware and software all the way through school!
Meanwhile, I'm still battling that Mourning Sickness - all day, every day... but the meds still help. At least now I can eat somewhat normal food - and I only want to vomit every so often as long as I don't forget to take the drugs. Hoping that's an age thing, sweetie, and not a genetic thing. Would hate to think I'll pass this along to you someday!
Well, it's late, and I'm still a touch under the weather today (think I might have a light virus or something - this can't all be you!) so I'm off to bed... To dream of you!
Love you!
Mom
Friday, August 09, 2002
Sorry it's been so long...
It's not that we haven't been talking - well, mostly, it's one-sided... me mumbling incoherently down toward my navel and wondering if you hear me.
Yesterday was your ultrasound - and my amnio... and it hurt!! Well, not the ultrasound, but the amnio. Don't ever believe a doctor when he tells you he's going to stick a 4 inch long needle through your abdomen and into your uterus, and 'all you'll feel is a little pricking'... He's lying.
Needless to say tho - other than that it was wonderful seeing you for the first time! You were moving around so fast! Do triple-flips and twisting and turning! Your dad started calling you 'our little acrobat'... :)
Early reports say you are a girl, my little one. We'll get confirmation one way or the other in a few weeks when the amnio results are in. X and or Y chromosones don't lie, they say....
Meanwhile, I can't wait for your arrival. I can almost see your smile in my dreams!
Mom
Friday, July 12, 2002
Not much new.
Still suffering from Morning Sickness. Still moody and hormonal. But your Daddy says he can tell I'm pregnant now - as my breasts are starting to resemble Pamela Anderson's, and I'm just starting to "show" a bit.
It will be time for a trip to the store soon - to buy 'comfy' clothes. Not sure I'm quite ready to move into Maternity wear yet - but a few loose skirts and dresses are definitely in order!
I find myself wondering more frequently whether you are a boy or a girl child, my darling.
Amniocentisis is next month - and we'll know then. But for now, I sit and dwell.
Just as long as you are healthy, and happy, and ready to join us in January!
x's and o's...
Mom
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Ah little one...
You have been nothing but trouble so far...
6 months to go, and I'm waiting for your smile!
January seems so far away!
Friday, July 05, 2002
Alrighty then...
You've keep me sick beyond words (and by beyond words, you'll note the month+ gap in entries) for oh so long now.
My darling husband (your father) thinks you have little levers in there, which you pull when bored, to see what they do.
1 marked hungry, 1 marked sleepy, and 1 marked eject - which covers ridding myself of anything in my gastrointestinal system...
I'm just hoping that soon I can go from exhausted, sick, tired, cranky to that 'happily glowing' state they say is supposed to be a part of pregnancy.
Meanwhile, we heard your heartbeat at the doctor's last week - 160 bpm - it sounded alot like the 'wocka wocka wocka' that PacMan used to make.
Already you make me smile!
6 more months my darling - and we can smile at each other!
Thursday, May 23, 2002
Well this morning you seem to be letting me off the hook a bit - the 'morning' sickness, or as I like to call it, 22-hour-a-day sickness is down to a dull roar...
I've been reading alot about your development. It seems no one is going to agree on your actual due date - there are so many ways to calculate it!! Sometime in January is all I know...
A. has been a godsend - since my OB/Gyn refuses to even see me until late next month - it's a bit panicky for me. Fortunately, A's been there, ready to answer questions and provide information. She's amazing.
I've been wondering whether or not to change doctors tho - as I'm a bit concerned about the fact that they won't even see me until you're 10 wks along... I just want to make sure that your little heart is beating now, as it should be.
More later - despite the respite from the full-blown nausea, I'm running late for work again today... It will be nice when I don't have to go in there anymore, and can just focus on getting ready for your arrival and making myself an "informed" mom :)
hugs m'darling angel...
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Today you scared me...
First you made me too sick to do anything other than lay in bed eating saltines and drinking tea... Then brief spotting - which caused me to call our Doula, who said it was quite normal, as long as it wasn't heavy, and I had no cramps...
It went away, but I was so afraid for about an hour!
Meanwhile, the Doula (we'll call her "A." from here on out...) and I talked about hospitals, and how I choose one, etc...
With each passing day, I realize exactly how little I know about this process. I have a feeling the learning curve is kinda steep. It's all rather odd. I mean, it's not like I'm young or naive - and I have so many friends who are parents, and I've been around from the periphery for so many of these things - I just find myself amazed that I really know nothing about having a baby. It's like losing your innocence.
I'm sure I'll be reading a lot in the next 8 months...and bugging the heck out of everyone I know who's ever gone through this!!
Oops... more nausea - back to the bathroom for me...
Apparently there was a glitch this morning and so this page was unreachable for part of the day, my apologies...
Not that you were missing anything!
More later...
Sunday, May 19, 2002
Okay then - I'm not really sure where to start.
You're not very far along as I write this - and so not many people close to me know that you're even there. Your Father and I thought that we should wait a bit before letting anyone else know. So for now, this site has to be anonymous. I just needed a place to write to you. Someplace maybe to share with you someday what it was like, when I was expecting you.
I just found out on Thursday that you're with me. By the best of our reckoning, that makes you 4 1/2 weeks along - due at the end of January 2003. Part of the reason we haven't shared the great news about your impending arrival is that Mom's what you might call an "older mother" - being that she'll be 36 in July. And all the advice we've had is not to really tell anyone until you're a bit further along - just to be sure. Not that I'm not sure - you've already started with the morning sickness, and I've no doubt you'll be around to put me through many more months of this :)
Still, we're not telling anyone else for a little while.
Not to mention the fact that your Aunt and Uncle (on my side) have been going through some infertility issues trying for the last 2 years, and while they're doing In Vitro again this week, they lost their last babies shortly after the confirmation last time... so now's not the best time to tell them. Additionally, your other Aunt and Uncle (dad's side) having been trying for the last 2 years as well, with no success yet... So we're kind of reluctant to tell everyone how you came along just at the right time, after only 9 months of trying...
Which, in case you're wondering, is fast for a woman in Mom's circumstance - 10 years on Norplant, and having had it removed less than a year ago.
Anyhoo... intentional or not, you're making my stomach queasy - so for now, I'm off to the loo for a bit...
Good night my angel...
I'll see you in my dreams...
xoxo
First I figured I ought to get this set up...
Then I suppose I ought to get myself organized enough to say something.
At the moment, I'm trying just to get it set up.
